You really love your guy and you do everything you can to show him. Yet, although he says he loves you, he's more reserved in showing affection. At times he seems too distant. Not so into you. This leads you to question if he really does love you.
Do You Feel Loved?
The stress is causing you to act irritable and unlovable. Before you end up sabotaging your relationship, take a timeout and think about this. People mean different things using the same word. If we ask any two people what is important in a personal relationship both may agree that it is to feel loved. Yet, one will enjoy a long and loving relationship with his partner while the other will go through many relationships without feeling she has found love. Why is that? To find the answer you need to know what the "love" word means to your guy. And more importantly, what it means to you.
Finding Your Spin on the "Love" Word
Take the time to decide what you desire in a relationship. Start by asking yourself, "What makes me feel loved?" Then you and your partner make separate lists of eight to ten values that must be present. Your list might include - attraction, kissing and hugging, makes me laugh, communication, and faithfulness. His may include - attraction, excites me, supports me, commitment and time for myself. Compare lists. You will both discover what is important to the other. And the different "spin" each has on what it takes to feel loved will become evident.
How to Stay in a Loving Relationship
Go through your lists. Find the values you both have in common. For example, "excites me" (his list) and "kissing and hugging" (your list) are well-suited. Use them to bridge the gap with those that seem incompatible. For example, "communication" (your list) and "time for myself" (his list) appear to be opposite values. This is where you both have to be open to compromise. Exercise some flexibility. Give and take is the basis for a happy and lasting relationship.
Why You Might Walk Away
For more insight, reorder your list. Rank your ideal relationship placing what is most important to you in first, second and third position. Have him do the same with his list. If "faithfulness" (your list) is at the top.... and it is not given, you will likely walk away from this love connection. If his list topper is "commitment" to one person and it is not met, he may walk away. As you can see, giving priority to these top concerns is vital for your future together. Support and fulfill each other's most important values as much as you can.
Does He Love You?
Have fun with this exercise. It is a stress management tool designed to help you answer the question, "What makes me feel loved?" And learning what both your needs are for a fulfilling relationship is an added bonus. So, does he love you? You can share your results by logging Barbara Mitchell is a Doctor of Clinical Hypnotherapy. Certified Stress Management Consultant and Certified Practitioner of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). She is the author of, When You Need a Timeout, a how-to guide for managing stress and creating "me time" to recapture your joy in life. Dr. Barbara Mitchell and her husband who is a Reiki Master, have a private practice in Piscataway, New Jersey. She is a member of ABH, IMDHA, IACT, ABNLP, IBPA and TLTA.
